Ending well to enter well

It has been exactly one month since I arrived back on this land we call the US and...

The busyness of living has just caught up with me and now I am left with nothing more than to reflect and take in all that has happened to me in the past 2 and a half years. It may seem that I would talk about that in this blog, but I am not (Really?????).

In this blog, I would like to share about how I ENDED WELL to ENTER WELL.

I started thinking about this subject about 6 months before 2012. This seemed to be a good amount of time to figure out where one would like to or needs to be after finishing a job or in my case 2 and a half years of volunteer service in Peru. For a long time, the idea of going back to School wasn't in the next chapter. So, I made no move to look for a masters program that I saw fit for the profession I wanted to be under, until the middle of November. With about two months left and Hep A, I was in a slump to slow down. It wasn't just a a few days of being sick or getting hurt. Nope this was a stop in your tracks situation. God definitely grabbed my shoulders and put me in a chair telling me to let others help YOU. This lasted for a little over a month which you can read how that went in an earlier blog .

So, as I had all that time to be still and not busy... I looked up some colleges and masters. Took make this short, I found the perfect masters for me in a place I was all too familiar with-- DETROIT. So, God was telling me something and we were on the same page. Got to spend the last week and a half with my kids before they all headed home with their families.

Then, it was time for Retreat and vacation. For our ending retreat we decided to go about 9 hours up north to the east to a city called Huanuco. During the retreat, I was introduced to the transition process to the extreme and revisited the Trauma Stewardship. Both in which helped with a lot of the processing of feelings until I left Peru. As a community, we decided to do a trip up to Tingo Maria. I felt that it was greatly needed for our community. For we rarely had a chance to do one since the new/present volunteers came. We went to a cave, a serpent park, and the others got to climb up 6 waterfalls (I was still recovering from Hep A at the time). After that trip, I went on my solo trip a little farther north.

I spent 10 days getting to know CHACHAPOYAS and TARAPOTO. Having only traveled by myself once before this trip (and that one I was meeting up with my cousin) I was filled with many emotions. Yes, I was afraid but I was also excited to know Chachapoyas. After 24+ hours in a bus I finally reached Chachapoyas and ended up checking into a different hostel than I planned. It turned out to be the better choice. I visited the near by city of Huacas and did a 3-day package of tours (Kuelap, Karajia, and Gocta)... During those three days I meet the most wonderful people. I was lucky that I had 4 people that I shared all 3 days with. Then, I was suppose to go to Moyobamba for 4 days, but during the tours I was convinced that Tarapoto would be a better destination.

So, it was to Tarapoto. I had to stop in Moyobamba to get to Tarapoto anyways. Tarapoto was well a very noisy city. Motorcycles every where. I did a one day tour to two places: Ahuashiyacu and Lamas. My room had cable which was awesome, I spent two days just relaxing and catching up on the music world. Heading back to Lima was a riot. We ended up getting held up for half a day at a pass which was being constructed on. Luckily it was during bedtime, so we all just slept. So, what was a 26 hour bus ride turned into a 44 hour bus ride. How I love Peru.

After my travels, I spent my days being a lazy bum and chatting with who ever was in the ciudad. Spent time the rest of my time helping with preparations for the next year, spending time with the community, and preparing for my own departure. I attend a few of the workshops during orientation week for the tutors and realized that it only made it that much harder to leave. Then, the kids came back and all the worrying about not having enough time to feel content with my leaving left me. For the 3 days, I was present among them I realized that life continued. My leaving did not put a stop to what was going on and that I need to continue as everyone else was. I was at peace with leaving a country that had become a home to me, a group of people that have become my family, a way of living that had become so natural.

With these realization, I entered into the US quit content and at peace. Though this did not last long for the first morning back I was in disbelief that I was in the US. I was shocked to look at the window and see snow on the ground, buildings nice and all the same colors, and a room cluttered with materialistic items. I was back in the US and I felt like I was drowning. These feelings I will highlight more in my coming up blog. All in all, I did end well in Peru to Enter well into the US.

Knowing God in Peru

'Yo Soy El Pan Vivo Bajado Del Cielo'

Recently, my prayer life has become more concrete, rather than the occasional prayer moments. After our staff retreat in May and our pomise as a community to pray the Rosary everyday. I have found that it is indeed hard to do so. I have found myself asleep after the 2nd mystery or not ending the rosary at all missing one or two of them. I can pray the rosary completely in a group. Alone I find myself distracted by thoughts of people or things I need to do.

Working with my children, I have found that a set shedule works best when it comes to accomplishing things. With out a written schedule and promise to self, nothing really gets done. So, I recently created a prayer schedule for myself. I have yet to put it into practice. Funny me, I forgot to schedule the weekends in, lol.

So, far it is as follows:

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday:

5:30a Prayer in the garden (like when Jesus went to the garden to pray alone to his father after performing so many miracles)

6am Open the rosary and pray it throughout the day ending it before dinner

(One mystery done with a few of the kids in my house)

Tuesday and Thursday:

5:30a Prayer of Joy and happiness

10:30a Rosary complete.... Tues. Individually and Thurs. with Jeanette

Like I said I forgot to include the weekend, will do soon. I want to pray one mystery with my kids because I did that one day and had them say the prayer for that mystery (that day I did 3 with them, lol). Plus, it helped that I had chocolate for them afterwards, jejejeje.

God has become more than just some great being in my life. He is much more... he is a friend, a protector, a mentor, a father. Through prayer and faith I continue to be in awe of his greatness. Finding that spiritual calmness amongst the hecticness of CDLN has become easier. All I have to do is look at the faces of my children and up at the sky :)

Building Something New

Brick by brick... inch by inch...Brain storm... reflections... and MORE! Nothing beats the first steps to building a home.


Everyone is building their home right now... being it is their family home, future home, community home, or even their retirement home. We are all in constant planning, deciding, acting, erasing, learning, failing, and succeeding. But, what happens when you don't feel included in this building because what you want doesn't sound/ look good at all for the other(s)? What if you are so different that you don't belong and are stuck with it anyways? What can one do to not lose who they are in this need to build a perfect home?

PERFECT...I've learned to accept and despise this lovely word. It can be so positive and yet so negative and destructive at the same time.
DIFFERENT... A good friend gave me an alternative for this word (DISTINCT). Yet different seems to be understood and accepted more.

Two words that have made me and broke me in the past 20 years of my life. Usually not at the same time. Presently, these words are more making me than breaking me. I know, that nothing can be truly perfect and not all different is weird/strange. But, that is exactly what I am... I am not truly perfect( yet I am) and I am different (in that little weird way).

This year I want the kids to know that they are something, that they can be something great. It was interesting to go through graduation with this past years boys. I wish I could have done more pep-talks with them. Or even help them with looking up organizations/ programs that they could be involved in.

Then, I was reminded of a dream. A dream of one of the brothers, back in the US, that I met in my first year of service. The dream to provide more volunteer opportunities. Why not provide international volunteer opportunities here in PERU? I might be thinking to big, but it's an idea.

What I have learned this past year is that we are using money in the wrong way... We are not educating each other very well... we want big things and lots of money (Sorry--US citizens), but for what?...I want the boys here to experience more than they could have ever dreamed.

It's nice to have that expensive bag, that new ride, that huge house, but being in large spaces can feel quit lonely too. I have come to appreciate a packed small house. The kids come back on the 13th of February.

That small space is not going to be empty no more.

one week down... many more to go!

Finding your foot print in a see of many can be difficult and fun at the same time....

Well, one week has finally finished and the 3 of us have survived. I think I am going to go against the grain with this one and go backwards.

Today, we had our first day of spanish school. It was fun. We are attending for 4 hours which are split into first session and second session with a snack break in between. We took a taxi there and was a few minutes late. Our driver actually attend Ciudad De Los Ninos for 3 years. My first session teacher is Edison and my second teacher is Esla "Blue" (She wishes that her last name was blue because it is favorite color ^_^) During my first session we worked on pronunciation and syllabuls. We played hangman for the Abecederio and scrabble for the syllabuls.

For the second session, we worked on introductions. There was a lot of laughs that were had. This is my presente:
Me llamo Tania Brown. Soy estadounidense. Soy voluntaria.

For our ride back it was the same driver. He took us on the scenic route of the coast. It was our first time seeing it in the day light. It was beautiful. We passed a place that translated out to 'jump of the friars' which is a cliff rock on the coast where supposedly friars jumped off to their deaths. The ironic thing about that are is that they have a restaurant named after it.

For 4 days before today, we worked at Ciudad De Los Ninos. It has been quit the experience to work and not know what they are all saying. It has been nice to have bro. Hugo speak english. The ninos are very helpful. In my house, one of the hermana has a daughter who is one year older then the oldest boys. Ella se llama Danna. She really knows how to keep the boys in line, lol. the schedule is the same from Monday to Thursday and then changes for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (Next blog I will post the actual schedule).

On Tuesday and Wednesday (the first two full days), we went shopping and to the down town area where the embassy was. We went to Saint Domingo church to see St. francis of de porres and saint Rosa's graves. We also saw a lot of other bodies at Saint Francis church. This church had a large catacumb. It was crazy to see it all and also exciting.

Next blog should be up in about 3 to 5 days or maybe a week later... we will see.

A Hui hou

Changing rooms

When one door closes... another shall open!

It is time to go through that new door into a room called PERU. A room I never knew would exist in my life. It amazes me with how much God works in a persons life and he sure has done his share. It is time for me to show hime that his GIFTS will not go to waste.

Let me tell you are Peru:
I will be leaving on August 17 for Peru with two other volunteers (Alyssa and Michael). We will be working at Cuidad De Los Ninos which is a boys home and school. Our roles have not been defined yet. We are the first volunteers to serve in Cap Corps in Peru. So, we are sort of the test group. I will be going with very little spanish and a great will to learn the language. The length of service is 18 months. Within 6 months, I should be at a Spanish 102 level (I hope). I am truly excited about this challenge.

Looking back:
In the past two weeks, International Cap Corps serves have been attending a Ecumenical Orientation. We have meet other international volunteers from ECLA, RCA, PC-USA and one lucky one from Episcopal. We went through sessions on Racism, Sexism, Cross-Cultural conflicts and relationships, learned about Islam and went to visit a Mosque, safety and contingency planning, and other topics. Each one provided something to take with us on our mission.
Everybody had a great story to share and it was fun to get to know them personally. I hope we get to stay in touch through out our periods of service. The number one thing I learned was: Go without expectation and know that you will learn.