Building Something New

Brick by brick... inch by inch...Brain storm... reflections... and MORE! Nothing beats the first steps to building a home.


Everyone is building their home right now... being it is their family home, future home, community home, or even their retirement home. We are all in constant planning, deciding, acting, erasing, learning, failing, and succeeding. But, what happens when you don't feel included in this building because what you want doesn't sound/ look good at all for the other(s)? What if you are so different that you don't belong and are stuck with it anyways? What can one do to not lose who they are in this need to build a perfect home?

PERFECT...I've learned to accept and despise this lovely word. It can be so positive and yet so negative and destructive at the same time.
DIFFERENT... A good friend gave me an alternative for this word (DISTINCT). Yet different seems to be understood and accepted more.

Two words that have made me and broke me in the past 20 years of my life. Usually not at the same time. Presently, these words are more making me than breaking me. I know, that nothing can be truly perfect and not all different is weird/strange. But, that is exactly what I am... I am not truly perfect( yet I am) and I am different (in that little weird way).

This year I want the kids to know that they are something, that they can be something great. It was interesting to go through graduation with this past years boys. I wish I could have done more pep-talks with them. Or even help them with looking up organizations/ programs that they could be involved in.

Then, I was reminded of a dream. A dream of one of the brothers, back in the US, that I met in my first year of service. The dream to provide more volunteer opportunities. Why not provide international volunteer opportunities here in PERU? I might be thinking to big, but it's an idea.

What I have learned this past year is that we are using money in the wrong way... We are not educating each other very well... we want big things and lots of money (Sorry--US citizens), but for what?...I want the boys here to experience more than they could have ever dreamed.

It's nice to have that expensive bag, that new ride, that huge house, but being in large spaces can feel quit lonely too. I have come to appreciate a packed small house. The kids come back on the 13th of February.

That small space is not going to be empty no more.

Bienvenido Año nuevo

WE are in a new year... WE get to start fresh again...We get to create new memories, WE...WE... WE...WE...WE!  

This year has been quit good to me.  Nothing but positive love and memories to share.  But, don't get me wrong.  Mr. Ugly has tried to rear its ugly head in and out since the first of Jan.  WE try to hide, but they always find us.  This year I am going to meditate.  I am going to make sure that I am balanced.   That I am not taken for granted and that I am heard.  So far, it has been quit the challenge (people get to comfortable easily).  

As I type this blog out I can't help but look at my hands.  THEY ARE GIGANTIC!

Ok, now I am back...  My vacations so far consist of Chiclayo.  This is a pretty big city in the north part of Perù. It is very desert like.  We visited their biggest outdoor market (which had a guy selling snake oil and people who had live snakes), to the museum of Sipàn in Lambayeque, and to a black sand beach in Pimentel.  It was a nice 4 day 3 night trip.  I had fun and got to eat ice cream every single day  (not really possible to do while in Lima).  It was a nice time to hang out with the community too.

Now, I wait for what I have been waiting for all this time... RETREAT.  WE will be having our beginning of the year retreat hopefully starting tomorrow or Saturday.  I am mostly excited because Brother Bill Hugo will be sharing it with us.  Pray for us as we enter into reflection for the next 5 days.  Reflection of the past 6 or 18 months, reflection of who we are and what we can offer, reflection of going back to the US, reflection of what our next year will be for us and what we want our next year to be for us.

Gracìas Jesùs

To end the year off...

Its been to long...

This post is to bring the year to an end.  This past year has been quit the trip.  From the negatives to the positives.  I would describe this year like a phoenix gone mad to a phoenix of hope.  

The beauty of Phoenixes is the idea of burning to ash and then being reborn through it.  It may seem like all is wiped clean, but that is not true... the phoenix holds all feelings and memories from it's past life.  This is true about all relationships that have been through hell and is in the process of healing.  I have never shared my entire life with anyone yet.  Of course those that have lived it with me know those parts.  I have hidden a lot about me for the past 20 years of my life.  

This new year, I would like to share more of who Tania is... Where she comes from... How she grew up... with who she grew up with... her home (Hawaii)... and her experiences.  These have been hidden well and for good reason.  With trust,  I have learned, there is pain and fear.  Two things that I have built thick walls around me to prevent from entering into me.  Two things that can help me be more free.  

This year pain and fear is what I invite.

Why am losing things?

Siento que Dios esta tomando todo mis cosas.

This past week I just lost another Cap. brother. I don't want to lose anymore. Brother Vincent Reyes really made my days when I was a volunteer in Detroit, Michigan. I still remember our morning hellos and good-byes. The times we would watch the news/movie/or baseball game in the brothers living room (I still don't know if that was really allowed, lol). He had such a glow to him when ever he was around and boy, could he tell a joke.

The third day of my volunteer time in Detroit, brother Vince told Derek, Gwen, and I that he was a recovering anorexic and the beefalo story. You could always count on him to lighten the room. I also remember when he made Manhattans for us and we just chilled out talking in the dining room sipping on her drinks.

Though all of these were great memories, I still think sitting at the same table with him for the Thursday night dinner were the best. We were quit the joke team, him and I. It was perfect when ever Bro. Ray was also there. He showed me that we do need to be grown-ups, but it doesn't mean that we can't play.

Muchisimas Gracias Hno. Vince por una vida maravillas. Sin ti estaria muy diferente.

To be happy where you are... [Estar feliz donde estas]

I am very happy where I am right now....

This is the most comfortable I have ever felt since being in Peru. They say you must die to live again. In the past week and a half we have received 2 live-in groups and one group that travels in and out from the states. This is about 30 US citizens. 9 high school students, 7 university students, and 11 global volunteers (plus their teacher and chaperones). It's been interesting to have the whole lot of them here. In my pabellon, I have 3 of the high school girls sleeping there. The work load has lessened quit a bit, but i still feel as if i am doing to much. The girls want to help but they have not become accustomed to the speed. Also, they have not learned yet how to clean correctly. I forgot how lazy we can be when it comes to cleaning. Cleaning here at CDLN is not just a pick-up what you see, but it is pretty much a deep clean everyday.

For the past two weekends, I got to go play bowling. I forgot how much I love the sport and how much fun it is to just get out. Our friends, Nya and Manuel always invites us over to their house to hangout. So, it has been a Saturday ritual for me.

My kids are great... they crack me up a lot. They can irritate me too, but what kid doesn't. I am now taking guitar lessons. It's hard, but I am not going to give up.

The Mask: I've been struggling with what people call 'the mask'. Who am I? Why do I pretend? I no longer wear 'the mask' (I think). I am who I am. I am crazy, silly, weird, and yes, ridiculous. If I wasn't, then I must be wearing 'the mask'. Am I serious... 80% of the time---NO! But, when I am you will know.

Alyssa leaves for the states this coming up weekend. It is going to be quit the experience for her. It will be great to get some news back about how the US is doing. I won't be back anytime soon, but when I do go back my mind will defianetly remain open.

I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm BACK!!!

"Yo solo se que no se nada"

Junio:
Wow, has it been that long since my last blog? I am going to make it goal to do this once a week.

So, much has happened since March. Pain and happiness. I have learned quit a lot about myself. Like, how I am a mirror and can take nothing and make it something or how I can learn a dance by watching it once all the way through (this helps a lot in Alabanza).

Presently, I am the only one of us that is still considered single. Though with time that may change, lol. Life in Peru is ending, but at the same time it is just beginning. For me, I am getting more involved with different activities here. Today, I helped with music for Confirmation and also helped out in the class. I think I might continue to do this if they would like the help. I am still singing for mass.

Oh, for those that don't know... I am presently in Nino Jesus the youngest house. I got switched before the year started. I go to help Sonrisa in the afternoon with homework and clothes. I really like working in NJ because the kids are just more apt to speak to you even if you don't know the language well. A bonus is that one of the tutors has a infant son and well, I love baby's so that pretty much says it all.

I have three friends in Peru and I need to figure out how to see them. Well, I will let you all know if I do in the next blog. Chau....

Beginning of a new year and Celebrating a birth

Well, Since the time that all the kids came back life here at CDLN has been quit busy. A lot of the beginning dealt with the getting use to a new schedule and the new freedom that we as a community felt we needed. So, my work schedule is a little different then before.

M-R: 5:30 or 5:45am in Nino Jesus
6:30am Breakfast
7:00am Cleaning
8 or 8:15am Laudes/ Mass
9:30am- 12:30pm Free Time
12:50pm Picking up the kiddies
1:45pm Lunch
3:30p-5:30pm In Sonrisa to help with homework
5:30pm Back in Nino Jesus 6:15pm Dinner
7:00pm Alabanza
7:45pm Lavanderia
8:30pm Done

On Fridays, I work half day. Saturday is a no work day. Sunday my schedule goes back to M-R schedule (except for Salidas). On Tuesdays, we have reflection time and on Fridays we do community dinner. On Saturdays, we try to do a community activity in the morning or afternoon. It's been quit a change from what we were doing last school year, but I believe we are getting into the hang of things.

I like it because it gives me a chance to do other things like make a picture frame for our spray paint:
BIRTH DAY:
Woke up at 5:47am (I am usually in my pabellon at 5:30am). Had to wake up Nicole (my German friend who is leaving on the 24th) and we had to do a rush dress. Anita had the kids sing 'Happy Birthday' before we left for breakfast. Went to morning mass, but there was no brothers so Hno. Pedro lead it. At the end, they showed up and I thought we were going to have to do it all over again. But, instead Hno. Sergio had me go up for a birthday blessing. It always gets me when they do blessing song. It was beautiful. A lot of picture taking :S

I wanted to go sit down right away, but then the hugs came on. If that was all for that day, I would have been satisfied. But, that was just the beginning. Went back to my pabellon and finished cleaning. Then, Anita told me "Lets go". Two of my ladies from Sonrisa came over and they plus my ladies of Nino Jesus took me out for lunch. It was lovely and very filling. Pollo de brasa, tallarin, breadpudding, papas fritas, and Inca Kola YUM!

Back at CDLN, for more B-day greetings. Took a walk to the market place to get a call card for the next day. Got back and found out there was no Alabanza. I was sad because I love Alabanza. But, oh well... I had a party I needed to attend. The fiesta was memorable. Hno. Pedro, Hno. David, Cesar, Jocelyn, Gabriela, Dina, Guilla, Guilla's little daughter, Anita, Laura, Baby Francisco, Alyssa, Michael, and Jay were all there. Danced with Hno. Pedro and Francisco. Hno. David brought over some Eucharistic wine (me gusta).

Such a beautiful day filled with beautiful people. Best B-day EVER!