Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The end is just the beginning

The ending of the Easter season....
The start of a better living.

50 days of Easter is about to end soon and I have been spiritually challenged, hurt, and drained. The result of this has been a welcoming calmness and understanding of our brother Jesus and Father. Also an open heart and ear.

During this easter season, I included the reflections from the little white book to help guide me. I have never done this in its entirety (meaning I would stop after 2 weeks), but this year just seemed to keep calling me to reflect. In one of the relfections they talk about the doors within ourselves... the ones we fear entering. This gave me an idea for one of our prayer nights. I shared this reflection and then had us make little doors and on the inside we wrote down the things that we fear facing/entering. That was about 3 weeks ago that we did it. I still take mines out in times of prayers.

This whole season God has been telling us to not be afraid. I feel that he was especially talking to me. I feared a lot of things in my life and have come out of them only through the help of God. When two weeks ago I was struggling with my feelings towards God, God didn't let up on me (I was very angry at him because of my mothers death which will make 9 years on June 27). During our staff retreat for CDLN, he spoke to me in teh silence and a few times he yelled at me. I was very stubborn because I thought I have justified my feelings fairly. But, God didn't want to lose me because of this and he sent his son to fetch me. Now, my relationship with Jesus is a very special one. I treat him like a brother and he treats me like his little sis. He has helped me in instant moments where I need a push from doing or not doing something. I call my talks with him conversations. Prayer for me is when I ask for things. But, when I am just sharing those are conversations.

At the end of the retreat, God and I were still at ends with eachother. He allowed me to feel anger towards him and I appreciated that. I may have been really angry with him, but at the same time I love him. As we near the end of the easter season I can't help but notice how much more present the paraclete is and how much more happier I am.

This week I ask that we all take the time to just sit with the Lord. To open our hearts, minds, and eyes to the glory of God and to also be still. For it isn't in the thunder nor the earthquakes nor the hurricanes when God will speak to us, but in the silence of a new morn or silence of a moonlit night.

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