Saturday, June 25, 2011

Knowing God in Peru

'Yo Soy El Pan Vivo Bajado Del Cielo'

Recently, my prayer life has become more concrete, rather than the occasional prayer moments. After our staff retreat in May and our pomise as a community to pray the Rosary everyday. I have found that it is indeed hard to do so. I have found myself asleep after the 2nd mystery or not ending the rosary at all missing one or two of them. I can pray the rosary completely in a group. Alone I find myself distracted by thoughts of people or things I need to do.

Working with my children, I have found that a set shedule works best when it comes to accomplishing things. With out a written schedule and promise to self, nothing really gets done. So, I recently created a prayer schedule for myself. I have yet to put it into practice. Funny me, I forgot to schedule the weekends in, lol.

So, far it is as follows:

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday:

5:30a Prayer in the garden (like when Jesus went to the garden to pray alone to his father after performing so many miracles)

6am Open the rosary and pray it throughout the day ending it before dinner

(One mystery done with a few of the kids in my house)

Tuesday and Thursday:

5:30a Prayer of Joy and happiness

10:30a Rosary complete.... Tues. Individually and Thurs. with Jeanette

Like I said I forgot to include the weekend, will do soon. I want to pray one mystery with my kids because I did that one day and had them say the prayer for that mystery (that day I did 3 with them, lol). Plus, it helped that I had chocolate for them afterwards, jejejeje.

God has become more than just some great being in my life. He is much more... he is a friend, a protector, a mentor, a father. Through prayer and faith I continue to be in awe of his greatness. Finding that spiritual calmness amongst the hecticness of CDLN has become easier. All I have to do is look at the faces of my children and up at the sky :)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The end is just the beginning

The ending of the Easter season....
The start of a better living.

50 days of Easter is about to end soon and I have been spiritually challenged, hurt, and drained. The result of this has been a welcoming calmness and understanding of our brother Jesus and Father. Also an open heart and ear.

During this easter season, I included the reflections from the little white book to help guide me. I have never done this in its entirety (meaning I would stop after 2 weeks), but this year just seemed to keep calling me to reflect. In one of the relfections they talk about the doors within ourselves... the ones we fear entering. This gave me an idea for one of our prayer nights. I shared this reflection and then had us make little doors and on the inside we wrote down the things that we fear facing/entering. That was about 3 weeks ago that we did it. I still take mines out in times of prayers.

This whole season God has been telling us to not be afraid. I feel that he was especially talking to me. I feared a lot of things in my life and have come out of them only through the help of God. When two weeks ago I was struggling with my feelings towards God, God didn't let up on me (I was very angry at him because of my mothers death which will make 9 years on June 27). During our staff retreat for CDLN, he spoke to me in teh silence and a few times he yelled at me. I was very stubborn because I thought I have justified my feelings fairly. But, God didn't want to lose me because of this and he sent his son to fetch me. Now, my relationship with Jesus is a very special one. I treat him like a brother and he treats me like his little sis. He has helped me in instant moments where I need a push from doing or not doing something. I call my talks with him conversations. Prayer for me is when I ask for things. But, when I am just sharing those are conversations.

At the end of the retreat, God and I were still at ends with eachother. He allowed me to feel anger towards him and I appreciated that. I may have been really angry with him, but at the same time I love him. As we near the end of the easter season I can't help but notice how much more present the paraclete is and how much more happier I am.

This week I ask that we all take the time to just sit with the Lord. To open our hearts, minds, and eyes to the glory of God and to also be still. For it isn't in the thunder nor the earthquakes nor the hurricanes when God will speak to us, but in the silence of a new morn or silence of a moonlit night.